Have You Been Pushing Through?

By Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy

A coaching client recently told me that her patient asked her what she does for relaxation, what brings her joy, and it struck her that she didn’t have an authentic answer.

At first she said “spend time with my family”, immediately feeling the pangs of guilt as she dreaded going home after a full day of “being on stage” with patients to the inundation of the bedtime routine and the rush to the finish at the end of the day. She next answered: “travel” and “reading a good book”. With tears in her eyes she said to me: “I realized I haven’t read a book in years! I haven’t relaxed or experienced true happiness in months! I just push through everyday to get to the weekend and then I push through every week to get to the next holiday and there is very little authentic happiness in between.”

Ironically, the very thing that brought us success can be what keeps us from Happiness: Pushing Through.

As dentists we often identify as being “The Hardest Working Person In The Room” – it is a badge of honor that we wear and it’s what worked to get us to where we are. In addition to full time practitioners many of us are marathon runners, Crossfit competitors, Triathletes! We are not afraid of “a little hard work”.

Ask us to slow down and relax in anything less than the first three days of a vacation and now you have a challenge on your hands!

In fact, if you are anything like I used to be, relaxing and feeling “happy” required at least one martini- chemically induced relaxation.

What we don’t realize is that we are living in a perpetual state of Fight or Flight, in a sympathetic nervous system storm that becomes chronic. Many of us don’t even notice when the cortisol packs on the pounds or robs us of our sleep – we blame ourselves – our eating could be better, maybe we blame insurance companies or the patient population we work with or the fact that “you just can’t hire good help anymore”. What we have done is quietly slipped into sympathetic nervous system “survival mode” and lived there for decades. But so many of us of exhausted from simply surviving. And the answer is staring us in the face:

YOU NEED TO REST IN ORDER TO THRIVE

I’m not talking about twice a year on your two week vacation, I mean every single day we need a practice for returning to calm to increase our vagal tone. You remember that from dental school? How quickly we can recover from stress. Yes, the parasympathetic nervous system responsible for REST AND DIGEST.

Why do we think we are somehow immune to the autonomic nervous system we all learned about in school?

Step 1: Seek help. Just like we ask our patients to when they are in pain. It’s time to take some of your own medicine and seek support. Your coaches are here for you. We know what you have been through, we know your world. We also know the miracle of what lies on the other side.

Imagine a world where your patient asks you what you do to relax and you can answer honestly that you incorporate it into everyday of your life. That you know the importance it holds in your ability to be your best for your patients, for your team, for your family, and for your own health. Imagine giving yourself permission to not be everything to everyone everyday and to allow yourself moments of calm and joy. Imagine falling back in love with life and not constantly trying to escape it.

Happiness in dentistry IS POSSIBLE! And it is possible for you.

Check out this recent episode on The Business of Happiness Podcast with my top three nervous system regulation techniques you can do behind a mask in the dental office to help increase your vagal tone.