Lani Grass has been a professional coach for 14 years now. Her husband is a dentist, so she really connected with the women in the industry. She initially started to teach women in dentistry how to network and learn from each other. It turned into a bigger circle, and local events began. “I love these women; they’re so inspiring. My practice evolved organically, and I became very comfortably niched in that direction.” Lani says regarding focusing on helping women dentists.

Lani considers herself a hybrid coach and consultant. A coach is someone who, with coaching certifications, believes that the client has all the answers, and as the coach, you’re mainly asking really good questions and diving deeper. She also considers herself a consultant because dentists come to her for practice advice and scripts on what to say to be effective in work and life.

Confidence
Lani has developed leadership programs and helps dentists gain confidence. When asked if confidence can be an issue for dentists, she responded, “What’s interesting is there are many different parts of us. There are parts of us that are already confident. We’re smart, we’re outgoing. We can become dentists, right? We can go to grad school and get a doctorate- we’re confident about that. But there are parts of us that may not be confident about other situations in our life. For instance, just because we’re confident in our achievements doesn’t mean we’re comfortable having a difficult conversation with somebody on our team or creating boundaries to stand up for ourselves.”

Boundaries with staff

Lani says that she advises dentists early in their careers to avoid building the relationship with their team that you have with your friends. Dentists may think this is team building and camaraderie, but it can backfire quickly. It will be hard when you have to say something that may be uncomfortable because it will be like talking to your friend who doesn’t respect you at that level.

The staff may like you, but they may also identify with you as a colleague or peer instead of the leader. Lani recommends that dentists be caring but careful not to do things like oversharing and try not to let them overshare with you. “There should be a slight boundary where you say, “What do you need? This is a bit out of my comfort zone, so what or who can I bring in to help you?” This can be communicated instead of you taking on the onus of fixing whatever the problem is. It’s a balance, and it’s not always an easy thing. That’s one of the pitfalls to avoid when you’re a new dentist.” says Lani.

Lani says many dentists are already in the friend zone, which is super common because it feels great, and you have this team that feels like, “We’re all in this together, and we’re going to communicate every little thing…” But then, when something comes up, and you have to say something that you know they probably won’t want to hear, likely the first thing you’ll do is avoid it. The second thing you’ll probably do is tip-toe around it. You might even give it to your office manager to say for you, and all scenarios are very common. Preferably, though, you could sit this person down, have a conversation that honors both of you, and just say, “I really care about you, and we have become friends. We need to talk about our relationship here at work. When we’re at the practice, I’m the dentist, the owner of the practice and the main decision maker. A lot of decisions I make may not be popular or easy to make and so I’d appreciate your support in this role.”

Another sticky situation is when a team member or a patient comments about you having something that costs a lot of money: a nice car, a new watch, or perhaps a designer bag. These comments can make dentists uncomfortable and unsure of how to respond appropriately. Remember that you owe it to yourself to honor the hard work and sacrifice you put into your career to get you to this place in your life. Be proud but not boastful, and never convey that you feel guilty. You need to own your success with class and integrity. In response, you could say, “Yes! I love this watch, it’s my new favorite. I think it’s important to acknowledge the work we’ve put in and sometimes treat ourselves. I bet you do the same. What are some of the favorite ways that you treat yourself?”

The key is for dentists to be prepared for potentially uncomfortable conversations. All dentists need to be leaders and will have to handle difficult conversations with patients and staff. It’s best to think about these things in advance so you’re not caught off guard when they come up.

Be Yourself:

I asked Lani to share some advice for young dentists. She says you need to know who you are and highly recommends embracing it enough to talk about yourselves. Own your story, own your journey, and own your personality. Be yourself because when you’re not yourself, it’s exhausting, will feel very uncomfortable, and may lead to imposter syndrome. It’s the only way to become an authentic and effective leader.

This is true, especially when presenting treatment to patients. It won’t feel confident coming out of your mouth if you pretend to be someone else. Remember that communication is at least 50% nonverbal. So even if you’re saying something that sounds good but don’t believe it and you’re not saying it from your authentic self, it won’t land very confidently on the person you’re saying it to. This can hinder building a trusted patient/provider relationship. When you’re being yourself and listening to your patients, you will find commonalities between the two of you. Listen and remember their stories and build on those connection points.

Message to younger dentists: “It’s important to be open-minded. You’ve learned a lot, but still need to learn more about people and always be curious about others. Start studying people and learn leadership and communication skills. You’re not just in the business of dentistry, you’re in the people business now.” Contacting Lani:

Lani Grass can be reached at Joinus@waveofwomen.com, and she will gladly answer any questions via email.