Performance, survival, and the quiet energy that leads you back to yourself
Driven people don’t become driven by accident.
They are formed.
They learn early that love is earned through performance.
As children, we discover what brings praise — achievement, compliance, success — and we do more of it. We study the adults around us. We learn what makes them proud. And without realizing it, we begin to perform to feel safe, valued, and loved. Praise, achievements, acknowledgments, and love measure your performance. The harder you push, the more attention you receive, so you do whatever it takes to have your needs met.
For a long time, this works. Performance keeps you moving forward. It earns approval, opportunity, and success. On the outside, it looks like a life well built.
But on the inside, something begins to fracture. The drive that once fueled you is now draining you. And eventually, the question you’ve been avoiding can no longer be ignored.
One day, you wake up and it hits you.
What is all of this for?
What am I killing myself to maintain? Who am I doing this for?
And for the first time, you let the question linger long enough to hear the truth:
This life may look successful — but it no longer feels like yours.
What happens when one day you wake up and think,
Does any of it really even matter?
You start to reassess.
You begin to think about what is truly important in your life.
What do you want to spend your days doing?
What is your time worth?
This is the moment.
This is the moment when life starts to shift. You are waking up. In this moment, you are reconsidering living for the life you were sold and the life you want to live.
This moment is pivotal. It’s when you choose to take the blue pill or the red pill. Do you jump or do you hunker down?
You are scared as you think about making changes in your life, but you feel exhilarated as you consider the possibilities in the life you truly want.
I want to pause you right now.
I want to pause you because most of us want to move forward, succeed. Before you proceed, it is essential to notice your energy. Your energy will play a massive part in your process. Your energy will lead you to your next destination; however, if you are not in tune with it, you will not feel the signals.
Go back to the moment of exhilaration. The moment you were excited about change. What did you feel in your body?
I know what you felt, Lit Up.
Excited for the possibilities that could be yours. That energy is real. That is your body signaling you to the energy you want to feel. The feelings you want when you wake up every morning, and you step into your day loving your life and embracing the change that lies within you.
Energy will guide you.
It is essential to feel it. All of it. The good, the bad, the ugly, because even the nasty will signal you. It will signal to you your dislikes, and you will know when something is not a good fit in your life. Your energy will tell you when you are in the right place with the right people. It will tell you when you are in the wrong place with the wrong people. It subtly nudges you to change. I say subtly because that’s the truth. Have you ever heard the saying, “Listen to your body whisper so you don’t have to hear it scream.” Your body whispers all day long; it is your job to feel it and listen to what it is telling you to live your best life.
As children, we are guided by our parents, guardians, elders, coaches, peers, and educators. We take in all the information and step into the world to make something of ourselves. Something great. We go into adulthood, putting our heads down, working hard, striving to hit the next achievement, the next goal, and it feels so good, until it doesn’t anymore. If you find yourself here, where it doesn’t feel good anymore, that is your energy telling you change is imminent. It’s imminent because if you don’t change, you will be miserable and end up a statistic. Don’t be a statistic.
Listen to your needs.
Listen to what your body is telling you. You didn’t read my article by chance. You read it because it was brought to you. After all, you are looking for more. You need more.
It’s time to get quiet and ask yourself what that looks like. What is the next part of your story? What is the part that makes you want to get up in the morning and live your most fulfilled life? I challenge you to sit down and meditate or write. Find what you are looking for!
Julie Bakhaus is a spiritual life coach and former dental professional who brings a deeply embodied, compassionate approach to personal growth and transformation. With firsthand experience in the physical, emotional, and mental demands of dentistry, Julie understands the unique pressures dental professionals face—burnout, chronic stress, people-pleasing, and the quiet loss of self that can occur over time.
Through her coaching practice, Permission 2 Bee, Julie supports dental professionals in reconnecting with themselves, learning to listen to their bodies, and creating lives rooted in clarity, self-trust, and authenticity. Her work blends nervous system awareness, mindfulness, and intuitive coaching to help clients move beyond survival patterns and into sustainable fulfillment—both personally and professionally.
Julie is passionate about helping others feel safe to slow down, reflect, and choose themselves without guilt, believing that true success begins with self-connection.